I tend towards peace

I tend towards peace…. I always tend towards peace. Tension aggression, shouting, swearing, loud voices, accusations, ranting, always immediately cause me to shut my gates.  Ok so I have told you all before, I grew up with a lot of that… Not the swearing though, but raised voices, accusations, arguments, verbal tirades, they could go on for hours and hours. You may not have been the one on centre stage taking the floor and being pulled to pieces but once it started everyone got a chance.   I shudder to think about those many many many times now, and actually I only remember them as a whole the details are very much a blur and I’m more than happy for them to stay that way. I wonder if I was the person I am now what would I have done back then but that would never have been possible.  …

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Control or lack thereof…

Control or lack thereof… I don’t like tension…. It takes me back to childhood memories of anger, family fights, situations beyond my control and trying to keep everyone happy, and then feeling responsible for things I couldn’t change. When something is about to happen or does in fact happen, that causes any kind of tension, even to this day I want to fix it…. to stop it. Its like I always know what is going to happen and I want to prevent the inevitable outcomes, any explosions, outbursts or people sparking off each other. That is how I learnt to cope as a child. I wanted to keep everything calm and smooth it over. Now when I encounter any situation like that I want to do the same thing… I want to keep the peace, mind you it’s not normal to live with that mentality of trying to keep peace…. When…

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Precious precious peace….

~Precious precious peace….~ Ah for peace… I crave peace… I grew up in a tense household with many heightened emotions displayed… to say the least, things spoken and things unspoken. One of the adverse affects of this on me is that I just cant cope with tension, anger, raised voices, with stress even if its not directed at me. I have grown so much, and I am most certainly not who or what I used to be… I am a very different woman, but in times when I am low, more than others, I recoil if I sense these things, I want it to stop. My immediate response is in my back… I can feel it in the middle of my back as weird as it might sound. I want to back away and I will say anything to have it over as soon as possible or shorten the conversation…

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Under Pressure…

.ƸӜƷ. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY ƸӜƷ. Under Pressure… Had a deep and meaningful conversation with a beautiful friend last night. Just talking about the goings on in our worlds. It’s funny how life just ticks along and for each of us there are different stress points and stressors. We each handle them completely differently. I realised that I was obviously stressed out… Like most of us subconsciously and consciously trying to deal with this, sort that out, make a decision here, figure out what’s best there, juggling the arenas of our lives. We’re not aware of a lot of this often based on how we have learnt to deal with the stressors in our lives, our families, our histories. It’s just like ‘okay what do I have to deal with next’ and then we deal with it… And like most of us we have to deal with all these things…

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