Been talking to a few different people over the last few days about friends, and friendship groups. I used to be someone who had a lot of friends that I caught up with on a regular basis. I loved it but it also took a lot of time and work and even though it was mostly very pleasant, it’s not sustainable on a long-term basis.
Over the last 8 years a LOT has changed in my life and in my circles… they changed completely actually… Learnt some long painful lessons but these were very valuable. You see I was under the delusion that people care more than they actually do… I know it’s not always the case but its the truth. And it takes something painful to realise and acknowledge that this is a fact.
I was involved with a large group of people and I always loved connection, encouraging others, helping people find their place etc and so I THOUGHT that I had a lot of friends. In actuality I had a LOT of acquaintanceship’s! In fact when the rubber hit the road, and it came to the crunch, the people who I thought were my friends were not there for me in anywhere near the capacity that I thought they would be. I was completely shocked, let down and disappointed.
Its ok! I look back now and I get it, and its part of being involved in large groups, it’s just part of the way they function. it was me just naively hoping and expecting for more because that is how I operate… I want to be genuine, that’s how I do life… in a genuine way. I don’t like superficiality, I am not just talking about conversations I am talking about depth of friendship, quality of friendship. If I am your friend then that means more to me than hearing from you every blue moon. You don’t have to live in anyone’s pockets but the contact is very regular and its special, its sincere and meaningful… otherwise I wouldn’t call you friend.
In the last 12 months though the amount of people in my life increased dramatically! Of course through Facebook and my FB pages Light for Life, Loving Without Expectations and The Answer I’ve Found… I don’t make friends with all my fans or it would become not meaningful for the people who really are in my life but from time to time, I interact with someone on my page to the point that I think we must be meant to be friends, I usually find out there is a reason that we needed to become friends… either for my sake or theirs, and then its even more special and rewarding.
I am thankful for the circle of friends in my life that has DECREASED! Decreased to a manageable number that I can love and share with properly. I know I cant be there for each of the way that I would like for all of them but at least now I know what I need to do for most of them. Whether it’s a phone call, a gift, a quick email, if they are local then a catch up but its good when you can learn the boundaries, expectations and protocol for each relationship, and they are different for all…
Finding what works for you in your life is the first thing and then finding the people who slot comfortably within that is the way to go… There are good dynamics and they are there for a reason… When our lives, thoughts, beliefs and morale’s resonate with other human beings then we have the makings of a successful partnership for the common good of all! Sometimes difficult people are also meant to be in your life, after all it’s not all going to be easy or maybe we would be in heaven but if something really is a LOT of hard work then in the end you have to begin to question its purpose and future!
Surely its better to have one amazing friend then 10 average ones! Think about this and put your life and circles into perspective!
~Cam/~
If you would like to read more please go and visit my Facebook pages:
Light for Life: https://www.facebook.com/lightforlifepage
Love Without Expectations: https://www.facebook.com/lovewithoutexpectationspage
The Answer I’ve Found: https://www.facebook.com/theanswerIvefound
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This is so beautiful Cam! It’s like me talking. You took all the words, thoughts and feelings out from my chest and through my mouth. Like you, friendship means a lot to me and i guess the reason why we have pain is because we love too much and then our expectations follow. I have now learned that staying in pain is not worth it. My friendship is readily available and if others don’t take it, or take me as I am, then it’s their great lost. For i know that i have a good one to offer for those who want to stay. May God bless your kind heart my friend! All the best to you all the time. It’s a blessing being connected with you this way. 🙂
Thank you Kay! I love it when that happens. Yes I do think it is the reason why there is more pain… we experience the joys and the pains. I am your friend! Yay =)
You’re very right Cam. On my part I found some of what you share very enlightening. I’m a retiree past 60 years old. Professionally, I am successful, but my love life is down to the drain. More power & best regards. Is there a way I can communicate with you in private? my thoughts are not meant for public consumption. ….
Hey thanks so much for writing Veronica. Life IS.. isnt it? It just is! No rhyme or reason from the surface. I am happy for your to communicate with me.
Best way is through my FB pages you can send me a private message. The main one is https://www.facebook.com/lightforlifepage Also I have an email lightforlife@optusnet.com.au
I will look forward to hearing your thoughts =) There is always hope for the future… always =) Cam
Cam: You hit the nail on the head. Quality vs quantity any day of the week. I have learned similar lessons. I choose to have a very small tight circle of friends. I am very particular with what I share with whom. Only my very best friend knows the most about me. The rest, bits and pieces and I am the queen of being evasive and am quite proud of it. I learned recently actually that I do this because of my lack of trust for people that goes way back. I had no idea this was why but it has surfaced as being the case. I had been very hurt by things in the past and it changed who my friends are and what i tell. I am hoping to open up my arms to let more people in without having trust issues, in the meantime I am trying to keep an open mind. I would like a bit more qualiquantity friends (made up word!) a few more closer friends. Wonder if i can do that?! Open minded here. Keep the faith. xo
Chris
Ha ha great made up word, I like made up words 😉 Yes I am sure you can do that! Interesting you brought this whole thing up as I think this year its time to deal with some trust issues that I never knew were there of course!
A few years ago I went through some situations that caused me to step away from some things and I thought that was the end of it, but only recently I heard myself… I heard my head, heard my thoughts… boy that was an ‘ear-opener’! There was so much scepticism there and doubt of people’s intentions, especially people that are meant to have our best interests at heart, leaders etc, who do end up hurting people, even just through being controlling.
Now I am of the opinion I would rather not be involved in anything where this can happen, I used to just think that I couldn’t be bothered but I had a ‘awakening’ if you like that showed me that I dont trust and I am sceptical! I am now being challenged to look at that, because you can close off good people and things if you don’t trust people and then you can miss out on things! its all about WISDOM and balance and good boundaries, but if I am closed off because of it then I shouldnt remain that way for my own good or anyone elses! Sounds like I am writing another blog here Miss Chris… LOL this is how I get my writing material! LOL
Mwah!
xox
HI Cam! How’re you? I hope you’re fine. I do miss talking with you too, reading your posts and everything, but college keeps me busy. I’m following your blog so I’ll get them in mail on my phone, so that’s nice.
I’m writing too, and I’d love if you could take a couple minutes to read my stuff, I’d love your thoughts on them.
http://themanojarorablog.wordpress.com/
Hi Manoj!
Yes I am very good my friend! We had some great conversations back then didnt we =) Thats nice of you!
I have about 6 pages going and a whole lot of other things so I get round as I can as time is limited. Will follow you and try to get there and check yours out too!
Hope college is going well!
=)