I tend towards peace

I always tend towards peace. Tension aggression, shouting, swearing, loud voices, accusations, ranting, always immediately cause me to shut my gates. 

Ok so I have told you all before, I grew up with a lot of that… Not the swearing though, but raised voices, accusations, arguments, verbal tirades, they could go on for hours and hours. You may not have been the one on centre stage taking the floor and being pulled to pieces but once it started everyone got a chance.


I shudder to think about those many many many times now, and actually I only remember them as a whole the details are very much a blur and I’m more than happy for them to stay that way. I wonder if I was the person I am now what would I have done back then but that would never have been possible.


A counselor I saw a few years ago suggested something that she thought would help me when I found myself in any even vaguely similar situations she called it joining.


She said that people need validation and even if you don’t like the style of the delivery of their venting of a situation that what you can do is ‘join’ them and validate their feelings, or what has happened and still maintain your who you are without being untrue yo yourself.


It’s really just so amazing though how our personality and the make up our character is so very strong…. To me it feels like a raging current and I can only go with the flow of that especially in this area of my life, to pull myself out if it is like going against that raging current…. meaning it’s extremely difficult.


Learned fear together with being driven towards peace, and being a positive optimistic not to mention faith filled person makes it very very difficult for me to ‘join’ the other person in their venting.


You see even when there is a lot truth to what someone is saying if they are saying it in an aggressive way I respond to the way the message is delivered by tending towards peace, immediately, avoiding increasing tension etc and therefore going far from even temporarily ‘joining’ someone.


The next things that come into play are being positive, optimistic and faith and people often don’t want to hear that but that is my source, what I know and what I believe and I can’t give people what I don’t believe in.


Finding a line here in a tricky situation is not easy but I have learned some more about this and I am beginning to find the demarcation line that will help me to keep my peace, even as I tend towards it!


~Cam Richmond~
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  1. Thanks, Cam. I too grew up with lots of noise surrounding me. My dad was Irish and had a very short fuse. Verbal abuse sometimes can be worse than physical. Jesus’ voice is filled with peace and helps me to cope with some of those old memories.

  2. Yes me too Cathy…. it really does affect you and Jesus Heals and then I also stay away from these scenarios or it sets anxiety off… Its not good for us… I am sure there are many others who relate to this!

  3. I know what you mean. In my life, I finally tried to just listen to what they’re trying to say. I started to think about what they need, why is God letting them vent like that, etc. When I think like that, I can stay separate from their anger or complaining or whatever. I’m not saying I do it all the time, but when I do, it definitely helps and then I can try to help in some small way. Like saying, that may be true, but have you ever thought of looking at it like this … One thing is for sure, I don’t want to walk away from it with the same angst or anger as them. Doing this helps me to walk away calmly when it’s all done with. Some people just haven’t been shown any kind of coping skills and this world is sometimes so frustrating.

  4. It is often difficult to stay calm while others are “losing it,” but it helps to remember that people act out the most when they’re feeling the most hurt. Jesus said “blessed are the peacemakers,” and I do think He has a special blessing for those who learn to listen to others and reach out to the hurting in a loving way…thanks for your post!

  5. I think we also need to remember Cam that anger is not always negative but what we do about it can be, holding onto bitterness and resentment and seeking revenge eats away all the goodness in us, we need to resolve whats causing the anger, not run away from it.

    Than there is righteous anger that Jesus expressed and Paul and John the Baptist and they had every right to do so regardless of the reaction of their audience, they were the ones in error and needed to know it.

    Being Peacemakers means that sometimes we will need to say it how it is firmly and not agree with the evil others do and say because unless they know they are doing wrong than they won’t seek to change and Satan will get a foot hold in their lives. We are the Body of Christ it is our responsibility to keep the Church pure using God’s Truth in Scripture as our guidelines, if others reject them they will answer for doing so but we pray that they will come to their senses and repent.

    Proverbs 27:5-6 Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.(KJV)

    Proverbs 9:7-9 He that reproveth a scorner getteth to himself shame: and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot. Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will Love thee. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.(KJV)

    Ecclesiastes 7:4-6 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools. For as the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fool: this also is vanity.(KJV)

    2 Timothy 4:1-3 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;(KJV)

    2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man/woman of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.

    Titus 1:12-14 Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith; Not giving heed to Jewish fables, and commandments of men, that turn from the truth.(KJV)

    Titus 2:14-15 Who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all Authority. Let no man despise thee.(KJV)

    Revelation 3:19 As many as I Love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

    Christian Love in Christ Jesus – Anne

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