There is a ‘no’ that is perfect for every situation. There are many kinds of no that I still need to learn.
I have grown and changed so much over the years that in some ways I barely recognize myself but there are still some no’s I haven’t conquered.
No’s aren’t always completely obvious, they aren’t always seen as a no, perhaps more so as an answer, or to me often a polite response. No’s let other people know where we stand, what we like, don’t like, what we fear, what we welcome, what we feel uncomfortable with, what is unacceptable, what we don’t want to hear, what we don’t want to do, what we don’t want to experience.
No is sometimes hard to conquer when you have grown up with a strong parent, or an over bearing parent, which was a large part of my growing up years, and my mother had mental illness so that complicated everything further, but when I try to imagine an out-rightly aggressive, violent or abusive one parent, I can only begin to imagine how hard it would be to crawl out from under that…. to whisper no….
Some of you may not have even learned to find your voice yet let alone find you first no, and even if you have found your first no then learning all the different styles that no can take may take years of finding and reclaiming your voice.
‘No’ is a big learning curve! It’s the curve of a lifetime.
Trying to communicate with the people in your life the things that you don’t like, don’t feel comfortable with, what you don’t want to hear etc is a big growth process and there are those in our lives that won’t understand, can’t understand, don’t get it, aren’t used to it, and those that only see themselves and don’t realise that you may not be wired to deal with certain types of tones, language, communication.
This fact may slow the whole process down, but little bit by little bit is how we learn to communicate the no’s that we need to! The thing about learning no is to not be beaten by someone else’s… of course this is within reason and every one has a right to a no, but as I said no can take many forms and your no may look like you walking away, it may look like you saying we will discuss this later, it may appear to some that you have given up, but the main thing is that inside you know what your no meant. Never give up on learning no’s!
One no down… a million more to go.
Just something to think about!